The Tik Tok hitmaker says she sought treatment for an eating disorder — nothing more, nothing less.
“Let’s just get the elephant out of the room,” she told Teen Vogue.
“My eating disorder is something I’ve been struggling with for a while.
People will make up stories, but I went to rehab for an eating
disorder–nothing more and nothing less.
“Making my last record, Warrior, was a pretty miserable
process, and it wore my spirit down. I was fighting like hell to keep my
whole irreverent essence and everything raw and visceral that I stand
for in it, but in the end I was promoting something that wasn’t the
animal I wanted it to be. I decided to face my problem head-on.
“My whole message is to love who you are and accept all your
beautiful imperfections. When I felt I was slipping into unloving
territory with myself, I knew I had to listen to my own advice and
correct it. I have a public persona where I need to be fun all the time,
and I refuse to be a hypocrite. I felt I needed to get help, not only
for myself but also for my fans. My worst fear in life is to be fake.
“To have a breakthrough you have to have a breakdown, and I
definitely went through both of those–in hindsight, it saved my life.
Things got worse because I’m in an industry where people photograph your
body and zoom in and blow it up and put it on the cover of magazines,
and other people make terrible comments. It really messed with my head,
and I realized I couldn’t do it by myself.
“The decision to take control of it is the scariest thing I’ve ever
done, and this is coming from someone who dives with sharks and jumps
out of airplanes for fun. The whole process has made me so much stronger
and ready to take my life by the horns and make a record that I’m going
to be proud of and not care what anybody else thinks!
“I decided that maybe I do want to try to be pretty. I want to just try.”
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