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Sunday, March 29, 2015

How Raving Change My Perspective On Dating

isn’t exactly the first thing that comes to mind when you think about
going out on a date. In fact, my ideal first date actually entails going
out for milkshakes at my favorite diner by the beach followed by taking
a stroll on the sand while watching the sun set.

As a heterosexual male in his early 20’s living in the 21st Century, my idea of dating looks something like this:

  1. Find a VERY pretty girl.
  2. Get VERY pretty girl’s number.
  3. Ask her out on a date.
  4. Repeat steps 1-3 with another VERY pretty girl if rejected.
  5. Ask VERY pretty girl on a second date.
  6. TIME TO PURSUE THAT if there is chemistry.
  7. Ask VERY pretty girl to be my girlfriend when we are comfortable enough with each other.
  8. Yay relationship* (*relationships come along with arguments and spending a lot of money).
  9. Things don’t work out? Repeat steps 1-8 with a different VERY pretty girl.
  10. Things work out. Pop the question and tie the knot.
As you can see, this is a pretty linear model as to what I thought
dating was about, which pretty much boils down to getting the girl of my
dreams, falling in love with her, and living happily ever after with
our new family. But my whole perspective on dating changed after
attending this year’s Electric Daisy Carnival in Las Vegas.

The Electric Daisy Carnival (EDC) in Las Vegas is considered to be
the largest rave out on the West Coast…and by God did it live up to

I saw some of my favorite artists such as Calvin Harris and Chromeo,
made kandi bracelets and traded them with other people, making friends
in the process; and I even got the chance to see one of my childhood
friends. Not only that, but the entire Las Vegas Speedway was covered in
lights, giant ferris wheels and other colorful carnival rides lit up
the night sky, and fellow ravers were giving each other light shows with
their customized LED gloves (and did I mention that there were a ton of
lights around?)

PlUR, Calvin Harris, rave, dating, EDM, Peace, Love, Unity, Respect
Calvin Harris spinning at EDC Las Vegas 2014
The thing that stuck out the most to me, however, was this notion of
“PLUR” that was floating around the festival grounds. A new
acquaintance, who was part of my rave group, explained to me that this
acronym is the reason why everyone at an electronic dance music (EDM)
concert or festival is super friendly. Now I am fairly new to the rave
scence, having only gone to two other performances prior to EDC, and
didn’t have a clue as to what PLUR was.


For those of you who don’t know, PLUR stands for Peace, Love, Unity,
and Respect. This is the creed that ravers live by and can be seen
through their smiles, hugs, and even a special handshake.

The phrase got it’s start from DJ Frankie Bones who broke up a fight
at a rave in 1991 in New York saying, ““You better start showing some
Peace, Love and Unity, or I will break your $%^ing faces” (via JoJo Electro). The “respect” portion was added in not too long after.

PLUR, Dating, PLUR, definition, peace, love, unity, respect
While the words that come together to form PLUR are pretty self
explanatory, there is actually a lot more to it. Let’s break it down to
get a better understanding(via Peace & Loveism):

  • Peace – Letting go of fear and living at peace with oneself, one another, and the planet for a greater good
  • Love – As one learns to love oneself, one is able to love everyone else unconditionally
  • Unity – A mutual, corporate bond is formed resulting from the love and peace experienced with one another
  • Respect – Because of peace love and unity, one can accept others regardless of their beliefs or background
Taking a step back you can see this is a great motto to practice at
concerts and festivals. And I’ve personally seen it in action. My first
EDC was filled with countless high fives, warm hugs, and people even
checking up on me when I wasn’t feeling too well and  lying on the

But what if I told you that PLUR isn’t just for EDM fans, that it can
exist without all of electronic music and the kandi kids in the rave


Going back to my original line of thinking when it comes to dating…
it’s not always about pursuing the “happily ever after” life. Every
relationship needs some form of peace, love, unity, and respect.

“But, Bronson, I’m already in a loving relationship already filled
with peace, love, unity, and respect! Should I change my entire
lifestyle to accommodate PLUR?”

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I’m not saying that you should change your
lifestyle to accommodate this movement. You don’t need to go to the next
EDM festival nearest you and give out as many hugs as you can, and you
don’t need to trade beaded bracelets to signify your respect with
another person. My point is that PLUR isn’t just for the ravers, it’s
for everyone.

Every relationship needs peace, or else both persons
would just be either way too pissed off or getting into shouting
arguments about who’s the better cook. Relationships need love
or else there would be no romance that would spice things up a bit.
This also includes tough love that isn’t always happy, but still shows
that you care for each other. Couples need unity in
order to make big decisions together such as tying the knot or moving in
together. And most importantly, every relationship requires respect. That means respecting each other’s boundaries, and being sure not to step over them.

PLUR, heart, kandi, rave, dating, peace, love, unity, respect
PLUR is a universal concept that everyone can pick up on. You might
even be putting it to practice in your relationship and not even know
it, and that’s okay. PLUR is similar to the notion of “give and take”.
When it comes dating, a single person can’t have everything his/her way,
it’s more of a two way street where trade happens. The two people must
find a balance so that their relationship needs are met, while still
meeting their personal wants/needs.


Before I finish I would like to note that there is talk amongst some
older and more experienced ravers about how the PLUR movement, more
specifically the main concept of PLUR, is dying within the rave scene.
Personally, I don’t see how it is dying seeing as how my experience at
EDC showed me that it was alive and well. But at the same time, I see a
chance for this movement to stay alive through the people and couples
who choose to practice it in their lives.

About Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB):
CMB is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful
connections. It’s designed for busy singles who want to find something
real with little or no effort.

 – Coffee Meets Bagel

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