Meet the Man Thong of Your Nightmares

It's more penis pocket than banana hammock.

Bobby Norris from "The Only Way is Essex." Photo: Twitter via @SayenCroWolf; Amazon

Remember when "Borat" was first released and everyone lost their sh-t over that fluorescent green thong one-piece he wears to the beach? Well, kids... that was nothin'.

Because now, there are these things: Asymmetrical man thongs. Which are exactly what they sound like, only far more incredible. More of a penis pocket than a banana hammock, the contraption -- which has been brought to Internet light thanks to some brave, well-quiffed fellers from British reality soap "The Only Way Is Essex" -- involves a pouch that fits around a man's bits and a covered wire that tucks around between his arse cheeks.

It's truly a feat of physics -- and for just $9.90
plus shipping and handling plus all your dignity, one of these
beautiful babies can be yours forever, to have and to hold... your
balls.